vulnerability: held & protected
jeremy: “i felt vulnerable being photographed presenting a vulnerable side, letting my body and experience become that. there were moments of “this is going to be out in the world. this is on the edge of my comfort zone.” a familiar thought for me, in the realms of emotions and sexuality, is that other people have a better understanding than me. there’s this realm of emotions and experiences that haven’t been expressed. having the space to respect emotions that are coming up that may not have been tapped into i hit a familiar edge. something has been there waiting to come forth. i’m looking for what the thing is. other people have lots of things they understand about their difficult emotions or challenging experiences.”
kimberley: “being masculine – what does that mean? my mind immediately jumps to stereotypical embodiments of masculinity – one of them is the protector. i felt like i needed your permission, jeremy, to protect you. i didn’t feel comfortable doing it without your buy-in and so, by your willingness to assume the more vulnerable role, i was able. if you or somebody else was being the protector role i would feel less comfortable fighting you for that. i can give myself permission when there’s an external circumstance – if there’s a child in danger or someone not being taken care of i don’t need other people’s permission to take care of them. i know i have that in me because i can switch to that role as needed. but its really dependent on the external circumstances justifying it as opposed to me just deciding to do it randomly in a calm environment. its not my default state to be protecting over other people.”
kimberley: “the closest i got to ‘i am playing a real role that is traditionally masculine – that feels true in my body’ is when you took your shirt off and i was imagining – if somebody were to walk in the room randomly i would pull the blanket up over you - be on guard of your physical body and protecting – what? i don’t know... your dignity? looking around and watching and also connecting with you – it was interesting. how much do i be on alert for the external environment? how much do i look at you, connect with you, and let you know that i’m protecting you, there for you, and care about you? i didn’t know as that protector role how much to interact – at least with eye contact.”’
jeremy: “it’s somewhat easier to go into a vulnerable role i guess. maybe that’s because i’m a man. maybe because i still have power. you describe someone else holding the protector role. you’re less likely, less inclined, to step into it because you see that its already held in the space. my perception of the vulnerable role is multiple people can be it so i can step into it.”
kimberley: “for me to be in a protector role, over men especially, i feel like i need their buy-in. even me being the navigator – if there was a dynamic where a man was being assertive – their assertiveness would make me want to let them do it. if there wasn’t anyone else doing that role or i could help streamline the process i would do it. navigating isn’t quite the same as protecting, its similar. its almost like in protecting i’m taking some not quite agency over another person’s body – but direct awareness or responsibility. i feel like i more easily have that permission with children or other women to be in the role of ‘i am physically watching over your body and making sure you’re ok.’ i wouldn’t have been able to be that protector role with you at all, jeremy, if i didn’t have a sense that you were ok with me being it.”
jeremy: “i play roles without consciousness... a little awareness. i’d assume i’m the best person to navigate because i’m good at technology and my certainty providing roles. if there were an emergency i would step in without thinking about it at all. i would just let myself be the one. sometimes i unconsciously see a assigned female person playing one of those roles and i’m like ‘oh, maybe i should step in here’ without recognizing what i’m doing. that’s not what i want to be doing. hearing the way kimberley’s reflecting on who’s filling that space, the way she may not step into it unless there’s a reason - lets me see i don’t think about it where she is. sounds like she needs permission in places where i don’t feel like i need permission. i do it or do it even when someone else is already doing it because i’m already giving my permission to do it.”
kimberley: “in a group that includes men, if one of them was similar to me in mental capacity and excitement or eagerness to do the navigating, i would need a justification like ‘i’m the local’ or some reason why i should do it over them. otherwise i would probably default to them. if multiple people can do it equally then it doesn’t matter if its me doing it a man doing it. there could be situations where then people would just have no idea that i have that skill because it would never have the opportunity to be expressed. if the man, on average, tends to get in that role first then the woman would not be recognized as maybe having equal ability in that particular area.”
jeremy: “it shifted the relationship for me to have a level of vulnerability. saying yes to that vulnerability - it’s saying yes to the intimacy. masculinity and femininity, the divine masculine and feminine: what does it mean outside our stereotypical associations? how do you let those be expressed in their purest aspects? vulnerability amplifies, as one person offers the other person offers... i’m thinking of times in my life, hanging out with someone who i just met. we share souls with each other and are truly open and vulnerable physically and emotionally. i translate vulnerability into trust. what creates trust – how do you hold or create trust?”
kimberley: “to have the opportunity to reflect on these dynamics... having that safe space to figure out that its uncomfortable or requires permission for me to assume a protector role in certain cases... so glad to see what we can learn from the experience of our actual bodies in the world.”
jeremy: “i can see an exchange of vulnerability. i can imagine situations where two people are being vulnerable and holding that for each other. then a situation, empathy, being vulnerable emotionally or in some other capacity and someone is not just holding it but protecting the person or the space in more of a protector role. sharing this is important. i’m grateful for both of you creating the space where i can be vulnerable and where we can all feel comfortable, open, and creative.”
our wholeness: an empathy and photography series honoring our diverse truths, tenderness, power.
vulnerability: held and protected
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